When our lives take wrong turns.

I don't think any of us need reminders about how bad drugs are. But a couple things that have happened recently have hit really close to home for me. And it has made me think. A lot. Makes me think about the people, the people's families who have been affected and then I think about myself and my own family, especially my children. It makes me really really hope and pray to God that I will do my best to do everything in my power to lead my children in the right direction so that they won't stray the wrong way. It's hard to put it into perspective sometimes that our little children grow up and that one day they will be making decisions on their own without us. I don't think any of us want to face the fact of them growing up. But they're going to.

It's easy when you are living in Small Town, USA, population 1,000, to feel sheltered from all the heartache in this world. To forget that really bad things happen. That really bad things could very well happen here and that we can't keep our eyes shut any longer because they are happening.

A month or so ago an acquaintance of mine from high school was killed. He was ran over in the tiny town that I grew up in. On a street with a 30 mph speed limit in a tiny town of 900 people. It can happen anywhere. Even in small farm town, USA.

From what I am told, Aaron was into drugs pretty bad. He went to rehab, got out and told his parents he was clean. He was "clean" for 2 weeks before this happened. Toxicology reported that Aaron did not have drugs or alcohol in his system. No one knows what happened. But his past leads everyone to believe that it may have had something to do with his once-being into drugs. And it's so sad. He was 34 and had a daughter.

Then, just this week, a friend of mine from high school . . . whom in 3rd grade sweetly gave me a locket, whom I took home almost every day after I got my driver's license in high school, whom was in all 4 years of art class with me, whom was in wrestling with my brother, whom I went on a date to dinner and the movies with to see Batman, who at our 10-yr reunion made me feel like a queen when he said "Valerie, you look hot!" . . . he killed his own mother.

It makes me cry. I ache for him. He was on drugs big time. He started using heavily in high school. A close girlfriend of mine who was around him graduation night told me she remembered seeing him use cocaine that night and she thought "Jason, dude, you're barely out of school and you're already an addict". I guess we all hoped he would graduate, go into the Marines (which he did) and reclaim himself. He obviously didn't. And that saddens my friends and I deeply.

Jason beat up his mother and stabbed her, killing her. It's something fresh in my mind that I just can't escape from and I think about for so many reasons. He was a friend whom I saw almost every day for 13 years. I think back to art class sitting next to him talking about crazy high school things. That adorable funny guy went on to become a murderer!? No one would have believed that. But it happened.

At our 10-year reunion he brought his daughter to our family event, and I think he was one of the most proud father's there. It was so so nice to see that. It was reassuring that maybe his life was finally heading in the right way. I had so much hope for him. This week my friends and I have realized the complete opposite. All hope is lost. And he probably had very little, if any, to begin with.

A lot of questions get wrapped up in my mind. A lot of "whys" and "hows". How in the world did he let drugs control him like that? Why? If it had gotten that bad, why weren't people helping him? Maybe they were? Maybe they didn't know how, especially if he was behaving this violently. (Violent? Not the Jason I knew.) And then it all makes me hate the drug dealers who sold him those drugs. Makes me wish so badly that the government could do more to control drugs in America. Makes me wish somehow we could bring back the moment and talk him out of what he was about to do.

This also makes me want to go wrap my arms around his sister. It was his sister that called the police. She knew her mother was in danger. Can you imagine calling the police on your brother? And now I think about her and what emotions she is dealing with. She lost her mother and her brother at the same time. And now she will see him sentenced for life. Right now they're saying between 30-60 years on 3 counts of first-degree murder. I can't imagine him living the rest of his life in prison, but he will. I also think about him going through withdrawal and the emotions he will go through as he detoxes. He will very soon realize that he killed his mother, one of his biggest supporters in the world. There will be severe punishment for him in just the detoxing and the realization of what he did. He will also very soon realize that he no longer has his daughter. He will very soon realize that he no longer has his life. He is just 32. Makes me sick. Sick.

And then I also think about his daughter. His daughter! She lost her daddy and mother. Another messed up life because of the ignorant selfish choices someone she loved made.

Oh this just tears at my heart. And then I think about my own children. Jason's mom never ever thought she would raise a son who would get heavily into drugs, not be able to escape from them and go on to kill her. What mother would ever dream this?

Makes me desperately want to work to do the right things for my children not to lead astray. But what is the right thing? Do you know? Do any of us know? I think this has got to be one of the scariest things to face as a parent. Making sure we do everything we possibly can to raise our children right, and then be able to let them go...

on jason . . .
http://herald-review.com/articles/2008/06/11/news/local/1033243.txt

on aaron . . .http://www.herald-review.com/articles/2008/06/13/news/local/1033284.txt