One year ago.

One year ago right this second I was in labor. I had already been in labor for 25 hours. Most of the entire day before and all through the night. Very hard back labor. I am, because of that, forever grateful for my doula, Leann. She was amazing. She did so much to help Neil and I. For the 2nd time, I was in the mist of another unpredicted unusually rough & scary L&D. I know we would not have made it through without her. Unlike a doctor, she is with you 24-7. She was a godsend.

Ok, so, back to my thoughts...

By 4:00 today one year ago, it was decided on by my fabulous Dr. M, doula, Neil, my favorite nurse, Joy, and myself, that the best decision and safest decision after 30 hours of labor was to have the baby delivered via c-section. Again. The same thing sort of happened with Noah, but his was a true emergency, taking me from a 10-hour perfectly normal labor to being intabated within 6 minutes after my EPI. That was really scary. This was a different kind of scary. I was already so so so worn out. Hadn't slept through the night. Contractions still at their peak. But my baby's head was not engaging. We didn't know why. They were afraid that if we didn't go to surgery asap, that it would result in another emergency case. So off to surgery we went. Again. I hated that. Hated the thought of another c-section. My first one was not the "ideal" c-section. (And to this day I cannot figure out WHY people, especially celebrities, CHOOSE to have these. They are NOT natural and they are NOT easy. Recovery sucks. 6 weeks of bedrest?! Hellllooooo!! How is this ideal??? My theory is that people are extremely misinformed and mislead.) So, at 5:55 pm, Miss Maia was born. We hadn't named her, and as soon as she was shown to me (not handed - arms strapped down, ya know?) I knew she was a "Maia". She was beautiful. Lots of dark brown (seeminly curly) hair stuck to her big head.

I want to say, "the important thing is that she was healthy", but the thing is, she wasn't. At least we didn't think so for the first 4 days after she was born. She appeared to have breathing problems. They did some tests. Did some x-rays, EEG's, etc. And results came back that she had a "boot-shaped" heart. She was put on a feeding tube, oxygen, IV's, everything. And we didn't get to see her. After special doctors examined her x-rays and such, it was confirmed that she was perfect, except for her unique heart. But right then I just knew I had a really special little girl. After 24 hours I finally got to see my princess. 4 days later we came home.

Today she is 1. Unbelievable. Time goes by so fast. It really does. I have to tell you. Never ever take any moment for granted. The small ones are the ones that matter the most, as those are the moments you will remember. Always.

So, Happy Birthday, Baby Girl. I love you more than you know. You are the sunshine on my cloudy days. You make my world spin. I am so thankful for you. For both you and Noah. Keep on growing into wonderful people and always remember how much you are loved by us. Mooshy stuff, I know, but gotta say it.

This was the first time we got to actually hold Maia in Level II, once they took her totally off the oxygen tent and IV's.

This is Maia's great-grandpa. He loves her very much. This is the first time he got to hold her. Today grandpa is very very sick. He could leave us at any moment. We try to visit him nearly every day...at least every other day. He stares at Maia and stares at her. Loves her every move. It is she (I truly believe) that is keeping him alive. You don't see him smile until she is there.

This is right after Maia's first bath. We got the hint pretty well that she didn't like it.

Maia (and mommy) today.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your blog on SN!
I love looking at blogs and will add yours to my favorites. :)
I can't believe your baby girl is one year old! Happy birthday sweet one!


Alexis said...

Happy birthday Maia!

Auntie Alexis :o)