Oh man . . .

. . . I don't know anymore if we are meant to just stay in this house forever or move far far far far away, after we fix what has become a big big big huge problem.

We are having septic problems again. AGAIN. And I'm about to pull my hair out, throw the flag in and give up. We aren't selling and are having very few interests anymore, and well, maybe this is why? We aren't meant to sell. I honestly can't see myself living here forever, though. If we did, I could never do anything more than what I am doing with my business. And my kids would have to go to private school. There's nothing wrong with that, but if we put out that money, we might as well be spending that money on a nicer house where we'd be in a better stable school district where the kids could go to public schools and not have to fork out buko bucks for private, right? Right?

We had 150 feet of pipe cleaned out, which was, I'm not even sure 2 weeks ago? I come home from getting my hair colored and cut last night and see Neil standing in the kitchen speechless and looking upset. I ask him what was wrong and he said that "it" had backed up again. "What?!", I said. I wanted to cry. This does not come at a very good time, either - but does anything? - right before my 26 people wedding party and 400 guest wedding, my first wedding of the year and I feel rusty and overwhelmed as it is.

This told us that we definitely do have a problem and must have new lines put in, costing us over $2,000 probably. Which also means, 1) people will know we've had a problem and won't want to buy (that is, if we by chance even found someone wanting to buy!) and 2) we probably won't be able to build our house.

We could probably build a house but not the house we have now have blue prints for. And if that's the case, then we probably won't build at all because the requirement in our subidvision is that you must build at least a 2,000 sq foot home. We won't be able to afford that any longer (we are going to have to dig into our money which we were using for our down payment). And really, why even build if we can't afford that when we already live in a 1400 sq ft home? We may as well do it right. And obviously right now is not the time. (great big sigh . . . . )

You know, that's fine. Whatever is meant to be, is meant to be. I just don't get it. I don't get it one bit. Can we get off this roller coaster . . . please?! First Miami, then that fell through, now this is going to fall through . . . now what?

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself, as anyone probably would in this predicament. I just want to know (and of course right this instant) what we are going to do. We both decided we don't want to live here. We have already put in $20,000 in our 1930's home to keep it "up-to-par". Now it will be at least $22,000, and the way it's looking there's no way we will get that back when we sell. Which also means that in 6 years our house's value has not increased?! What?!? That just doesn't seem logical. But wait, we live in Decatur. Yes it is. (another great big sigh . . . )

I know I need to look at the big picture. At how things could be way way way worse. And I do realize that and I am very grateful and I absolutely hate complaing about this, which is why I rarely ever do to any of you outloud in conversation. Writing just really helps me. So thank you for reading and thanks ahead of time for the nice words I know you'll say, because you always do. You know how to make my day, which also definitely makes me see the bigger picture that I am already so blessed in my life with such incredibly wonderful supportive friends and family, and that ultimately, that's really all I need. I do love you all a lot and am so grateful for every one of you. I don't think I tell you that enough.

Before I end this, can I say one more thing, though? We have a lot that we have purchased and if we can't build on it now, tell me . . . what do we do? We start making payments on it in May. (. . . big big sigh . . .)