Home is Where the Heart Is

We had dinner with our good friends (a.k.a. old neighbors) last night at our favorite local place. I swear each time we go back to the area it gets harder and harder. It's suppose to get easier, right? I definitely thought it would be easier than last October. It wasn't.

We had a really great dinner. So much fun! And we went back to their house afterwards. That was hard. Especially since when we got out of the car, Noah sees our house and says "there's our old house. I miss our old house." I wanted to sob. But I held it in. I think Vic could tell I was having a hard time. I acted like it didn't bother me. (More margaritas, please!)

The hardest was getting in the car and leaving. I began crying when I got in the car and I bawled my eyes out the whole way home. That's 30 minutes straight. Yeah, my eyes and face were pretty swollen. I couldn't hold it back. I just miss it so much. And I think I've been holding it in for 8 months.

What do I miss? Not so much the house itself but I think our carefree moments. I did relish every second of it and I don't regret anything. But I miss our nightly walks and just the feeling of being outside not caring what anyone else thought of me. I love that when someone drove by, they always always waved. I loved that within a few months we knew everyone on our block. I didn't have true friends for a few years there, but everyone was always so friendly and would do anything for us. I haven't felt that here yet. I feel like a stranger still. I don't feel like I can sit in my front yard and feel at ease doing so. How long does it take? We've been here 8 months.

I just miss it so much. We're in this amazing little town with remarkable schools. But I would give that all back to go back to where we lived. I'm realizing what's most important. Home is definitely where the heart is. And my heart isn't here.

Pics from last summer . . . oh how I miss it. I loved sitting on the front step watching the kids play. Frankie just adored it too . . .

We're off to dinner with other friends. Hopefully a glass of wine will make me feel better. (Sigh . . .) Sorry to mope. It's just kinda hard.


Erin said...

Oh, honey! I'm so sorry that you're so sad. I know how hard it was when we went past it last year, I can imagine it was harder being right next door. Makes my heart sad for you that your hear lingers there. I hope dinner out will help you to shake the sadness. (((hugs)))

Missy!! said...

Aww!! Think about the happy times.. when you brought your kiddos home for the first time.. etc.. but then think about the reasons you left. Same with the new house. Think of why you picked "this house" and how you knew "it was the one"... it'll get easier.. it has to get easier! Besides.. I'm totally with ya on this one.. moving away from what you know is the hardest! I still refer to our home as "Andy's house" which it will forever be!! :)

Our Home Schooler and Jen said...

sounds like a nice dinner
sori your sad
hope your next dinner shakes those blues

Jamie said...

Aww Val, I am so sorry that you feel sad sometimes. I am sure after a few years you will love the new home just as much as the old. We have lived here for 12 years now and as much as I would love to move, I can imagine how sad it would be to leave my neighbors and memories behind. but just thing of the new memories you and your family are making every day!

melody is slurping life said...

Val, {HUGS}. Really, I understand and am not just saying that.

We moved from our mountain home July 2007 and I have not felt at home yet. I miss walking out into beautiful, unaltered nature...taking the boys for leisurely strolls down the dirt road to see our one of two neighbors and ride the horses...playing in the river or creek just a walk down the road...the snow of winter...the rocking chairs in a row on our huge cabin porch. I miss everything about it and I cry, too.

I'm also wondering...when will this new place hold my heart? When will I be home again?

So, I understand.

Becoming Me said...

I'm sorry that you are dealing with lots of sad emotions. I'm not sure why you had to move, but I know that moving can be so hard if it is in the same town or out of state. I pray that you will make many beautiful memories in your new home.

bleeding espresso said...

It's so hard to be in a place, physically or emotionally, that we don't feel is "right." I hope you're working through it :)

Jennifer said...

((((hugs))) Val.
We're not really happy where we are either, I mean it was a great thing when we were able to buy it for a steal and move in (we needed that double square footage ;) )but it's not "the perfect neighborhood".
We spent several hours out driving yesterday looking for a piece of land to build our dream house on. The dream house we've been dreaming of for 13 years now.
I hope it gets easier for you.

JaimeM said...

Hugs to you! Hope your sadness gets a little better. :)

Maybe a meme will help? I tagged you for one. Check out my blog for more info on it.

Anonymous said...

Sorry the trip back to the old hood was so hard on you! Spring means new beginnings, maybe you'll get to know your neighbors better now that it is getting nicer and hopefully people will be out more. Do some may day baskets (& let them know it was you) maybe you'll bring people out of their shells and the kids will have a blast doing it. just a thought ;) vic

Jen said...

Val, I sooooo know how you feel. I wish I could just click my ruby heels and go back to Westlawn. Your "home is where the heart is and my heart isn't here" is exactly how I feel!!! I miss you girl. Only about a month away and I'll be back "home"...for a weekend. Love ya!


mama2dibs said...

(((hugs))) I wish that I could make it all better and get your house back for you. I'm thinking about you girl!

Heidi said...

"I love that when someone drove by, they always always waved."- I want to live somewhere like that! It must be very hard to NOT have that. :( I hope your new neighbors start to give you that feeling soon!

Stacey said...

Oh Val you have such a sweet heart, and I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. You'll always want to go back, I'd love to return to our first home. But I know for me, it was the season of our lives, we didn't have any real problems. We thought we did, lol. But now we know better. (((hugs))) I'll look forward to reading about the ways your new home becomes a wonderful part of your journey. xoxo

Jen @ One Moms World said...

Val... once again you are writing a post from my heart. I thought Florida would be all bells and whistles and was so giddy about this move. UGGGH. I have been in such a depressed state with this move and just missing NC friendly mountain friends. I am counting down the days till our lease is up here and we can move back. You are exactly right home is definitely where the heart is. I feel so alone here with no family, no friends :(.

lil ole' me..... said...

Val!!! I hate to hear that you are sad. Lots of ((hugs)) to you. I hope that you start to get those "homey" feelings so soon.

On another note, it was so good to see you on Sunday! I am so glad Noah and Maia got to come too!!! Its funny because I feel like I know them from your posts and pictures and they have no idea who I am!!! :)

oh amanda said...

(((hugs))) I've never lived anywhere (since married) longer than 2 years, so I don't really have those feelings. But just so you know, the more memories you make in your new house, the more you'll love it!

Jennifer said...

You know Val, sometimes(as I'm crying right now typing this) we do things we think we want and then when we have them, we realized what we had...

this is why I have learned to just hand it over to the Lord and follow lead.....your there in that house because the Lord had that in plans for you guys, what ever the reason is....

love ya

Johanna said...

poor thing. I think it will get better this spring and summer when you are all outside and can get to know each other better and can get outside more. you haven't really been there for that yet.

Deborah said...

I hope as the weather warms up, that your neighbors will become more 'neighborly'. Sometimes, it just takes time to feel at home.

Louise said...

Hugs to you!!
I really hope it starts to feel like home soon!!!

Chel said...

We've been here in Florida 18 months or so, and I'm just now feeling like I'm at home. Now, I hope it doesn't take you that long, but it will happen. If you believe that you're where God put you, then it'll happen eventually. It will be in small increments, but you'll get there.

Candi said...


I've moved a lot. I grew up in the same little town and we moved in between my 7th and 8th grade year. Then we moved again (from TX to CA) after I finished my 10th grade year. My husband left for the Army one month after we have married, so I've continued to move a lot. My oldest is 5 and has lived in 4 homes so far!! Now, we should be here for a while.

Aside from the moves when I was a kid, I never have felt too badly. So far as an adult, I haven't found that one place that feels like home. I'm sorry your sad---it is hard to move and start all over!!

As a side note---I want to let you know I have not forgotten about my wonderful prize. We are going into DC on Sunday and I'm hoping to get some good pics of the boys. If I don't, I have a few pics I've narrowed it down to. Either way, I'll let you know late Sunday/Monday. I really hope I can get a good recent one of them. My youngest is so hard to get a good picture of--when ever he is excited he has his mouth wide open. I have LOTS of tonsil shots...LOL!!

Candi said...

Guess I should proof read and then publish---not the other way around.

I have to say that I meant sorry YOU'RE sad (not your). I'm a bit crazy like that. If I could edit my comment, I would. :-)

Alexis Jacobs said...

((hugs)) I know how you feel sweetie. It is how I feel everytimne I come back to visit you guys. In my heart it will always be home in a small way. The same will be for your old house. But as someone told me. It is just a house and walls. Memories lie within our hearts. Thinking of you.

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