If interested, this is a really great site that explains some of my health problems and the things we're dealing with with the baby right now. It's been the best site for me to use to share with family so it's all more understandable. Anyway... thanks again for everything. I've felt your prayers and appreciate immensely all the emails and comments and Facebook support. I'm very lucky to have such amazing people in my life.
http://www.neonatallupus.c
I just got an alarming phone call from the Pediatric Cardiologist who I saw 2 weeks ago in Peoria, IL. Yes, he called me himself. (gulp) I knew it wasn’t good.
Back up a minute. Most of you know, but maybe not all, that last year was a year from hell for me. I mean, really, that’s the easiest way for me to sum it up. It was bad. Halfway through the year I realized my hair shouldn’t still be falling out after 2 years of it happening in drastic amounts and my body starting acting very strange (high blood pressure, muscle spasms, weight gain, heart palps, muscle and joint pain, dizziness, extreme exhaustion, and the list goes on). So I went to my doctor and they started doing tests upon tests. Over a period of about 6 months I found out that I had Hypothyroidism, PCOS (female thing that can cause a lot of crazy side-effects), Sjogren’s Disease and I also had 4 antibody tests that came back positive signifying either MS, Lupus or Fibromyalgia. The day I found out I was pregnant, I also was told I probably had Fibromyalgia, but we still don’t know for certain. I can’t undergo anymore tests until after the baby is born. Right now my body has went into “remission” and it’s the best thing I’ve ever experienced in a long time. This pregnancy has been a complete blessing in more ways than one. I was told I probably would not be able to have anymore children (we assumed we were done anyway) and so this baby is such a miracle. And going into remission, a huge blessing as well. I haven’t felt so good in 3 years. My energy level is up, blood pressure is good so far, pains have gone away, my hair stopped falling out, etc. It’s been a miracle in itself. The sucky thing is, I feel in my heart that I have Lupus and getting the phone call today reinforced what my instincts are telling me.
So my Rheumatologist, Dr. T, told me I must see a Pediatric Cardiologist later in pregnancy to have a fetal Echocardiogram halfway through the pregnancy. I guess one of the antibodies can cause heart risks in the baby. So I had that test done 2 weeks ago and the doctor told me that day that everything looked good. But he said depending on what exact antibodies came back positive, I may need to be seen later on towards the end of pregnancy again. Didn’t seem like any big deal at the time because I was already told that baby’s heart was fine. Neil and I were very happy.
Well, when Dr. H called me this morning, he said he talked to my Rheumatologist, Dr. T. who went over all my positive antibodies with him and one major one popped up, called the anti-SSA/La antibody. (“Okay....” I thought.) And Dr. H said with this antibody, the baby can develop Progressive Fetal Heart Block in the 3rd trimester over time. (I took a deep breath.) He then went on to say he needs to see me every 2 weeks to have Echocardiograms done. He said if something does develop they can probably do something to stop it. (“Surgery? Good God, please no.” I thought.) He wanted to see me today (of all days, when I have to clean my house head to toe for the baby shower I’m throwing Saturday for one of my best friends). I told him I really couldn’t (besides the 1-1/2 hour drive to Peoria), so he said he will see me the first of next week. Ugh. So here I go on another joyous ride, with more tests and lots of money and lots of worry. I’m already spending $300 out of pocket every single month for my Lovenox injections which I take till the end of pregnancy (also for a positive antibody --- damn antibodies!!) and then all my other drugs that I have to take to sustain this pregnancy and keep the baby healthy. Ugh ugh ugh ugh.
I know there is a reason God is putting me through all this. It’s funny. My friend, Jenn, just sent me a quote this morning. It’s something I already thought in my heart and mind just because of all my miscarriages and years of infertility and pain. It’s exactly why I feel like I went through all that.
"It is such a comfort to know that Jesus' wounds remain visible in His risen body. Our wounds are not taken away, but become sources of hope to others." -Henri Nouwen
I know there is a reason why becoming a mother has been so difficult for me. I know there is a reason why sustaining my pregnancies have been so difficult. I know there is a reason why birth was so hard for me. I know there is a reason why both my children came so close to death. I know there is a reason why I’m going through it all again. There is a reason. I may not ever truly know why, but I have to hold it in my mind and heart that it’s to become a source of hope to others. And in the meantime I will thank God every second of the day for the blessings he has given me. I’m so blessed. Here I am, once told would probably never have a baby, with 2 gorgeous perfect children, and now pregnant again! He will get me through again, I know. God is good. Thank you all for your love, prayers, everything, through these journeys. I also couldn’t have gotten through them without the support system I have.
My appt is scheduled for Monday in Peoria. Then every 2 weeks after that till baby is born. Being 23 weeks pregnant, I guess I have probably 7 more. With my OB being in Bloomington, I’m starting to think we should maybe consider relocating for a while :)
...and 23 to go. Well, actually 21 because I'll be having the baby earlier. But still, not even half-way there and I'm getting pretty darn big. (insert cringy-face here) I didn't realize how big, either, until this past week. It was gorgeous out on Saturday so we (and my camera) were outside a lot. While out, Neil shot a picture of me, while I did a belly self-portrait of myself. This baby is so active and obviously growing quite well. I am getting even more anxious as the days approach to the big ultrasound in just 9 days now. It couldn't come quick enough!
And while playing outside on this same day, it began to sprinkle. The kids automatically ran for the umbrellas although they weren't even really needed. (What is it with umbrellas, anyway?)
And then last Thursday, Heather and I went baby registering (for her, not me. Although I did try and get her to scan the bar codes twice so maybe she'd get two of some things to give to her favorite preggie friend -- me. She never did do it and I'm not sure why?? :)) So while there, we found the funniest most fitting bib for my child. Isn't it great?!
Got Ketchup?
I guess I was wrong when I said I wouldn't be around much. I should have said something like, I will still be posting when I can, but it won't be posts that are thought-provoking for you or that take time for me to write. :c)
My work/photography posts may bore you. If so, just carry on with your blog-surfing. I absolutely don't mind. Really!
I had another maternity session over the weekend. I downloaded them finally and peeked at them all last night. I feel like I'm finally doing something right with my lighting. I swear, lighting is the KEY to good photographs. My very favorite one from the session is of Rodrigo (the daddy) and his son, Daniel, who is about to turn 2. They asked to do a few of Daniel for his 2-year, so I said "of course!!". My heart MELTS when I see this one. It tells such a story. A father-son story of passion, love, security, faith . . . I absolutely adore it.
Father-son Passion ~
Here's 2 others:
Pocket Passion ~
Oreo Passion ~
You will have to go to my flickr site to learn the background to the oreo one! (Just click on my flickr photos in the sidebar of the blog.)
My Passion ~
I also have a post at my VWC blog about my new albums. I would love some of your input as former brides (or brides-to-bes). Just click here. Thank you!
Blogging frenzy for me again, I know. I can't help it. I've been away too long and have too much to talk about! So bear with me on these days when I have time to blog. I may go overboard, but well, you have missed me, right?
I have some of the most exciting news ever! My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are preggie again!!!! 
Look, a baby bump is emerging!
I knew it when we were on vacation in Georgia. Actually, that's when I found out. It was a sweet moment as Michelle said, with some tears in her eyes, how hard it was flying out there because she had to use the puke bag for the first time. But what a great reason to have to use it, right?! When I was sick, it was always a refreshing memory, like a reminder from God, that my baby was safe and growing perfectly inside my womb.
It was funny, because when it was known to me, Brad couldn't even look at me. I think (knowing him and knowing his brother --- my hubby! --- and how they act) he was afraid he'd cry. He was pretty excited, I could tell.
And talk about excited, so are WE!! We get to be an aunt and uncle again and my kids get to have another cousin to grow up with and share memories with. And come February, I will have a new niece or nephew to hold in my arms! I am selfishly wanting them to have a boy because Noah does not have any other boy cousins and I don't have a nephew, and I so badly want one! But of course, if it's a little girl, nothing can stop me from buying more frilly pink things or passing down something of Maia's.
I so hated knowing when it wasn't told to others yet, because I wanted to tell!! But I think I did a good job at keeping that secret safe. It's funny though, how some things you just want to shout to the world :c)
Congrats again, to my very special brother and sister. We love you guys so much and wish only good things throughout this pregnancy, once baby C is here and forever more. Oh I love babies! And oh how I love my nieces! I can't wait for one more. See you in a couple months! Give big huggies to my favorite little niece. And Maia said to tell her "El-la" hi :c)
