Ugh.

You know . . .we all have times that are harder than others . . . times that make you think a little more and cry a gosh darn ton. But it's those times that you always walk away stronger and wiser, at least I (very strongly) believe so . . .

I don't wanna go into details, but if you could say some prayers for us over here, that would be so good of you. Just some issues going on . . . nothing huge . . . and we'll get through it . . . just, you know . . . one of those times!

And then I lost my adopted (I have always thought of her this way) grandma today, Marie.

She went into the nursing home right about the same time my grandpa did. I think I mentioned her briefly in a blog entry back in October. I'll probably tell you a little bit more about her later, just not right now as it's late and I'm soooo worn out with pulling so many late nighters working.

But yeah, we lost her today, and it's so sad. I'm especially sad for my dad because she was like a mom to him . . . and he a son to her. She and her husband never had any children. And they've been in my dad's life since he was born. Well, and then since I was born, too, I guess. So, nevertheless, it's a pretty hard loss for our family.

Ugh. I hate these times, but I know they're here for a reason . . .

What 50 years of love looks like (for Foto Friday)

My grandparents in 1945 and then in 1992.

I pray that this will be me & Neil one day with my grandkids in proud admiration.
I love old photographs, as most of you know. Wait, I love all photographs, but there is something priceless about ones of your past that just speak volumes. Never stop having pictures of yourselves taken, even when you don't like what you look like or feel you look old because someday, someone will look at them and see their past . . . see themselves . . . see love . . . feel thankful . . . and then smile.

Back in Time . . .

Since I've been a good girl organizing and packing to make our house "showable", I have ran across lots and lots of pictures. Big surprise, eh? I wanted to share two that I found.

I've talked so much about my grandma and grandpa (dad's parents) and not much about my mom's parents. They, too, were wonderful people. Actually, I didn't know mom's father, Ralph. He died suddenly in his 30's of a heart attack when mom was 13. Can you imagine losing your daddy at that age? I can not. She's been through a lot. From what she says, and my grandma use to say, he was a remarkable person. I wish I had known him. Wasn't he handsome?







And then there is my grandma Libby. My inspiration. Oh how I miss her. She passed away in 2000. She had breast cancer, was in remission, but then got suddenly sick again. She had leukemia, which they think was linked to the chemo. Anyhow, she suffered for one month in ICU before she passed away. I miss her more than anything. On the happy side, what a beautiful baby she was, eh? She had beautiful blue eyes. I love seeing old pictures of her, as I do all my grandparents. Wow do I love history.

Down memory lane again . . .

I've been running across a lot of pictures lately that I have not seen in a while. I wanted to share this one of me and grandpa. It's one of my favorites ever shot with him in the last few years. It was taken in 2003 right after one of my baby showers. No, grandpa was not at the shower, but I stopped by his house . . . can't remember why now (mom would probably remember). . . but was able to catch a moment . . . this moment . . . which I will cherish the rest of my life. He was so incredibly proud of that baby I was carrying after all the struggles I had trying to get to that point. I think he might have been a little proud of me, too. (*smile*) Sigh . . . Oh how I miss him lately. You never forget or stop missing them any less, do you?

"That's grandpa"

I was sitting here at my desk tonight and my son, Noah, comes up to sit on my lap. He likes to sit with me when I work sometimes. I have some pictures under a clear mat on my desk. Right at the bottom where he could see, is a picture of my grandma and grandpa (picture above). The same grandpa who passed away at the end of this past October.

He pointed to this picture and said "that's grandpa".
I said, "yes it is, Noah".
He went on to say "grandpa is sick".
I said, "yes, grandpa was very sick".
He continued, "and grandma was with grandpa . . . grandpa's sick". (He was talking about my mom - we always were with her when we visted grandpa.)
"Yes, grandma was with grandpa a lot when he was 'sleeping', wasn't she?", I replied.
Noah responded, "yeah . . .".

He then went on talking about something else. He then came back to the picture.

He said, "who is that, mommy?", pointing to my grandma, who is with grandpa, in the picture. He never knew her.
I said, "that is grandma. Mommy's grandma."
"Oh", Noah said. "Grandpa likes to sleep", he continued.
I said, "yes, grandpa likes to sleep. Grandpa was really sick. He is sleeping now".
I went on, "grandpa loved you very much".
He said, "uh-huh".

And that was it.

Those words, those memories, are from 38-month old little boy. It makes me cry. I sit here in tears. I'm not sure if it's because my baby remembers grandpa like he does; dying. Or that soon he won't remember anything of him. Or that I just miss him. I think it's probably some of all.

A new blog!

I've created a new blog. It's called "Grandma's Diary" and it will be made up of excerpts of the diary I found of my grandmother's from the 1940's. I shared some of it already a while back with you here. And I got an overwhelming response from people who really enjoyed it and embraced it as though they were walking a part of history. And so I thought I would just keep on recording her diaries to share with you. I hope my family, my cousins especially, enjoy these the most. (I'm doing it for you guys!) Enjoy and definitely let me know what you think if you make your way over to the new blog.

Diary ~ 1945-1946

While going through pictures I have stumbled across some really interesting things. One being my grandma's diary from when she was in her teens. My grandpa is mentioned all over the place. They've been together since they were in high school - both, actually, going to the same high school I went to. I wanted to post a couple exerpts. It's so fun reading about how excited she was about buying a new dress or lipstick or how she ventured out one day parting her hair differently and wrote about it . . .

March 12, 1945 ~ Oh this spring weather! Gee, all I can think about is Duane. Oh I hope he loves me, but he's just got to believe that he's the one for me. He just has to. Dale's name in draft list in paper today. Gee, I'm tired. Didn't get to bed till 1:30 this morning. Duane broke window in car. Wrote to him.

March 13, 1945 ~ Duane came down this evening. We made out by the lake and around. Stopped by the beach. Ate at the "Hitching Post". Had a swell time but he was pretty tired. Had his front tooth worked on this morning.

July 4, 1945 ~ Ironed all morn. Duane called twice this aft. Dedication of honor roll at Argenta this aft. but didn't go. This was the most wonderful eve we've ever spent together! Went out to the beach, to the carnival, and to Argenta later. All Duane talked about was me, us and how much he loves me and that made me so happy. He said some things I've been wanting to hear for a long time. Everything was perfect!!! Wore my new white eyelet. Duane teased me all eve. I'll never forget tonight.

Oct 10, 1945 ~ Gee, what a wonderful eve. The folks were gone and Duane came down about 7:30. We left and parked - car wouldn't start when ready to go - but finally did! What a time!! Went to Decatur. Bought some hamburgers - came home and ate them and drank milk. Golly, love is wonderful! Duane left about 12:15. Wish we were married and this was our house. It'd be so different.

Oct 30, 1945 ~ What a day - felt like the dickens. Nice day - again - almost like spring. Folks in town. Plenty lonesome this eve. Washed and ironed some things. Fixed hair different - middle part.

June 10, 1946 ~ Back to work. Can't say I'm especially glad but not bad. Swell to see the kids. 4 new girls. Seem nice. Got daddy and Ruth lots of candy. They painted kitchen. Evelyn on vacation. Washed, ironed. I'm lonesome.

July 3, 1946 ~ Bought new lipstick - metal tube! Got Duane 3 t-shirts Tues. He sure was pleased. Everybody in town this eve. Took bath, washed hair, ironed. Betty came over for a while. Called Duane.

I could go on and on. I just love reading this diary. My great-uncle, when he was a youngin' got his hand caught in corn dump and cut off 4 fingers and palm. She has it all recorded. Really interesting to read about it. I've only know my uncle this way, with a "hook" on his hand. It's really interesting to read how it actually happened and how upset the entire family was.

Anyway, that's that. Just wanted to share. I love love love history. Especially my own. I'm leanring so much. I'm happy I can share this with you all. Especially since a lot of the family reads my blogs. Kelsie, especially, seems quite interested in her great-grandma and grandpa. She is 13. I'm excited that she shares a joy in this as I do.