Missy-Poo, I love you!

My baby girl . . . she is a year older today. She is 2.

So many things are reminding me of 2 and 4 years ago, when I was pregant with my little dootles. Not just the fact that it's the week they were born, but because so many of my friends are having their babies or announcing their pregnancies or coming around me with their big ol beautiful bellies.

It's bittersweet because I absolutely loved being pregnant. I loved the kicks that I felt, even the ones that kept me awake at night, and believe it or not, those kicks never ever kept me from sleeping. I slept very well during my pregnancies (except towards the end, of course) and those kicks were theapeutic for me. They kept my heart and soul from worries . . . kept me knowing that my babies were okay. If my babies hadn't kicked and hiccuped like they did inside my belly, I would have gone ballistic.

I loved how I looked being pregnant. I loved being able to show off my belly because for once I felt it was beautiful. I loved the glow I had. I loved how my hair and skin and fingernails were stronger and more radiant. I loved that I got boobs.
Me, about to have my baby, and Jen, 6 months (exactly) behind me, pregnant and beautiful.

Of course there were things that I hated, like the high blood pressure (I was pre-eclampsic with Noah) in both pregnancies, the sciatic nerve pain, the weight gain (over 45 lbs with both my kids!) and my forgetfulness (like forgetting to take the pump nozzle out of my gas tank, then driving away and pulling the hose off the pump and driving over it --- yes, I did that), but I dealt with those things just fine. I love love loved being pregnant. I'd do it again. But I can't. Doctors orders.

So my birth, with Maia, not easy either. I had a doula (Leann, my angel and my forever friend!) and she was amazing. She helped get me through 31 (yes, 31) hours of labor. I went overnight with labor and could have gone into another night, but after a sonogram shortly after my epidural, it showed that probably nothing was going to get Maia's head engaged. She wanted to come out and her heart rate was going down. After 31 hours she was getting tired and I was getting tired. So we (all together) decided to take her by c-section before it became a true emergency again like it was with Mr. Noah.

I was awake this time. Of course my arms were strapped down and what I remember most is that feeling of having to throw up and feeling so very hot and sweaty because of the anesthesia. I remember the nurses saying "go ahead and throw up", but I couldn't. I remember Neil sitting behind my head. I remember the doctor saying "look at that hair" and I remember the nurses all guessing her weight before they pulled her out. (They were guessing 9 lbs and the doctor guessed 8 lbs 13 oz. She ended up being 8 lbs 3 oz.) I remember them bringing my baby girl to me and showing her to me. I could not hold her. I could not see her being cleaned off. I had to go down into recovery. So again, my birth experience sucked, but what could I do? At least she came safely to us and what I did experience was 1,000 times better than what I experienced with Noah.

But then I still didn't get to hold her for 2 whole days. Can you imagine? It was really rough. So she remained nameless for 2 days also. They thought she had a severe heart defect. After numerous tests with doctors in Peoria, they found that she has a boot-shaped heart, but nothing that will affect her -- we hope and pray. So they took her off oxygen and the feeding tubes and the heart monitors and we finally, finally, got to hold her.The closest photographic memory I have of either of my children being cleaned up after birth. Then she gets swiped away to Level II :(

And now today, all that is just a memory, but a very strong memory. Another one to make me, and our family, stronger. And future memories I have I hope will be even stronger. She is my 2nd little miracle. She is my baby girl. She is my princess. I love her more than words can say. And today, I wish her a very happy 2nd birthday. I am just amazed at what we have been through to get our children, but I'm even more amazed . . . incredibly blessed . . .just to have them here. It's all been a miracle.

Love you, Missy-Poo. Happy Birthday!

Baby Maia and mommy with grandpa. He passed 1 year ago. We really really miss him.