The best birthday = O-P-R-A-H

I rolled out of bed at 2:55, having set my alarm for 3:00. I felt like I slept 10 hours because I was ready to go! (I had only slept 2.) Guess what time I arrived at Harpo Studios? 4:30 a.m. Not kidding. I really don't think I have ever purposely woken up at that time to do anything quite like this.

Long story short, the doors opened for us at 7-ish and we went through coat check and security check (mega security check, too) and then ate breakfast (given to us by Harpo Studios themselves). Even though we waited and waited, it wasn't a boring wait. It was the kind of wait where you just sit there looking at all the other people, seeing what they wore to the show, watching their enthusiasm, just really taking every bit of it in. And then about 8:30 they actually let us into the studio itself. Talk about amazing to set foot onto the Oprah set. It's just not explainable. Maybe I'm crazy, but it was just a dream come true for me.

So, being that I was literally the FIRST PERSON IN LINE, I thought I would get a front row seat. And while my name was called really early, we didn't get as grand of a seat as I had hoped, but really, anywhere in the studio is a good seat. It only sits 300 people and it's really not that big at all. (I did beg and plead saying it was my birthday and that just didn't get my anywhere. Boo.)

About 10 minutes before the start of the LIVE show, Oprah comes out. It was, as silly as this sounds, a surreal experience. I have loved and watched this woman on TV since I was 10. Like many of us, I just love and respect her so much. I hardly ever miss a show. Those who are closest to me know how much I adore this woman, so seeing her walk out made me light on my feet. It was actually Oprah that I was seeing with my own eyes and who was standing (at times) just a few inches away from me. It just didn't seem real!

She was beautiful. She wore a beautiful black and white striped skirt, which after seeing it on tv, it made her look larger than she was. And her shoes were gorgeous which were about 4 inch heels and she later told us that when Jessica Seinfeld was on her show, as a "thank you" she sent Oprah 21 pairs of heels. (Oh my goodness!!)

And then there was her hair and makeup. Her hair was just amazing. I am sure almost all it is a weave, but it's the most gorgeous weave ever. I just couldn't believe how beautiful that woman was and how magnificently she carried herself and how kind she was to everyone. She really really loved us and in between segments she would talk to the audience and at the end she took more time to talk to us and she whole-heartedly told us how thankful she was for us coming to Chicago to see her and how she wouldn't have been here for so many years without us (I mean, me . . . Val, hehe. You know, she was speaking directly to me that whole time). It was so incredibly fun and surreal.

Simon Cowell was the main guest and if you don't know who that is, watch American Idol, and you won't miss him. He comes across as a total arrogant jerk but he is really a man with a huge huge heart. I have always liked him and now I like him even more. One thing I really noticed about him was that during commercial breaks crew members would come up to him and pour him a new glass of water or powder buff his face and each time he genuinely thanked them by looking them in the eyes and saying "thank you very much". He doesn't have to do that, but he does. And it's a small gesture, but it's admirable, and one that I think says a lot about him.

If you saw the show, you saw that Simon was on to debut his newest prodigy, Leona Lewis. She is an absolute beauty from Great Britain whose voice sounds like a mix of Mariah Carey and Celine Dion. She is phenomenal. And she is the sweetest. I think she and I would make really great friends :c) It was neat being one of the first to see her sing live on TV. And we got a copy of her CD, which was to be released today. Kinda cool. (At least we got something!) You can hear her beautiful song "Bleeding Love" ----> here. You must hear it. I have played it about 10 times already today. It's beautiful and it's even better in person.

Jamie Oliver was also on the show as well (what a CUTIE!) as well as the latest one kicked off of Oprah's new show, Carlana, from the Big Give. Simon also stuck around for the whole show, writing a check to a family in need for over $160,000 to pay off their mortgage so they can concentrate on the bills for their daughter's cancer treatments. We were all in tears.

Simon talked about how he never use to "give" anything and now that he is doing it, it's changing his life. It's molding him and changing him. Which warms my heart. I know how experiences, no matter how tough they are or easy they are, can change your life forever. Like for me, my 3 years of infertility and losing 3 babies . . . that changed my life forever and really has made me see life differently. Each of us are woken up in different ways, and learning to give (some of his 44 million dollars) has been Simon's wake-up and change.

Oh and I can't forget to mention the ventriloquist from America's Got Talent, Terry Fator. He and his band were on and it was just fantastic. Oprah loved him so much she asked them to come back later and perform again for her! (Which we got to see!)

What an amazing show it was. I loved seeing all the crew working behind the scenes and what Oprah and the guests did during commercials or while a clip was playing. I loved seeing how the show itself was decorated. I loved watching the 9 cameramen do their jobs. I loved watching the one photographer who shot all the still pictures and kept thinking to myself how I would absolutely love to have that job wondering how you go about getting that job. I'd move to Chicago in a heart beat to be The Oprah Show's photographer if she was looking for someone cool like myself. My favorite teacher from 3rd grade, Mrs. Sleeth, would be super proud of me is I were to get that job! :c)

We were surprised later with the opportunity to stay for a taping of an upcoming show with Kirstie Alley and Jamie Oliver (again) with a lunch given to us by the show, but we had to leave because Neil had to fly out of Indy at 8 that night. But at least I got to be a part of one show, and that one show was truly amazing and probably the best birthday gift I have ever ever had.

Passion is where passion is born.

I have came along way from being 8-years old working hard at my first job on the farm in the bean fields. I still can't believe it some days that I am a photographer in a business that is solely mine.

While in Oklahoma a month ago, I had the opportunity to meet my newest niece right after she was born in the hospital before her first bath. And when she was brought home, I had so many fabulous opportunities to take photographs of the sweet pea.

And then when back home, I had the fun opportunity to design her birth announcement. Every single step of the process so fun and rewarding.

I am so blessed to have this job. It just kind of flows in my life. I think that's when you know it's what you were meant to do. Like it's something that has always been there but I didn't know I could actually make money doing. Who would ever imagine you could make money doing the thing you love to do most?! I think this holds true deep in everyones hearts. It's when you discover that your passion can turn into something bigger that you know you are living the life God created you to live.



There can't be many more exciting and more rewarding jobs out there than what I do, but I guess when what you do is your passion, you do think that there can't be anything better out there, right?! What a great feeling to know that what you are doing is what you were born to do.

Thank goodness walking beans wasn't the lifelong plan for me. I definitely would have the best tan out of anyone else, but I'd also be the dirtiest and probably the grumpiest. Farm life was amazing and one of the best experiences I have ever had, but I am so so thankful that I was made to be a photographer. Living and working on the farm taught me so many life long lessons, however. Ones that helped mold me into the person and photographer I am today. I just know I wouldn't have had such strong determination and passion if I hadn't walked beans and if I hadn't seen how passionate my dad was for his job as a farmer . . . one of the hardest jobs on our planet. I thank him for showing me what determination and will looks like.



So tell me . . . how could a job be any better when you get to see this?! It really is hardly a job at all sometimes . . .

I know, she's pretty darn cute, isn't she?? Newborn hair, newborn yawns, newborn skin, newborn smell . . . so precious and such a gift. A true gift from God.



Welp, back to doing the CHORE I like doing most . . . vacuuming.

Lost pics update . . . and a possible job (for you or . . . someone?)

Um, well, I just told my last client. Went okay. I'm just sooooooooooooooooooo relieved.

Yesterday was a difficult day because I tried calling her and when I finally did get a hold of her, she was in the hospital . . . having the baby. So when I talked to her, she had to get off the phone right away so I wasn't able to tell her the bad news. She thought I was calling to tell her they were READY. So I (Val, owner of a photography business, which I thought was starting to have good reputation) screwed up yet another maternity session. I know she had her heart set on them. I know she did. And I feel so so so horrible.

I just got off the phone with her again. Baby is here (baby Max) and he's doing great. She's fairing okay (it was an emergency c-section and I sure know how those go - ugh, too well). She acted only a tad bit disappointed but I bet she's either cursing me out right now or bawling her head off. I just hope she really isn't going to hold it against me. She was very kind and sweet to me. She even scheduled an intimate newborn session with me next weekend.

Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts. I hope and pray this never ever happens to me again.

I'm considering hiring an assistant. I really think this may have been my "sign" that I need one. I can't stay organized without help and I am just getting so busy with my biz. If you know of anyone with good office organization skills with some photography and computer knowledge as well, please send them my way. (Or even a professional organizer??) I may just hire them on the spot!

MLM ~ Finding out you're pregnant

I thought I would start "Memory Lane Monday", brought to us by MomsBlogging, a great great mommy blog site.


This week’s theme:

Share your feelings and story of when you discovered you were pregnant for the first time.

When I discovered I was pregnant for the first time, I was so so excited. We had been trying for an entire year prior to the pregnancy. I never thought it would happen at that point, so to get a positive, I was shocked and elated! Who wouldn't be? But everything after that is really a blur. I honestly don't remember any exciting points. Because there wasn't any, except for when I saw the two lines on the pregnancy test. I do remember telling friends online at my "trying to conceive" pregnancy board. A lot of people and friends sent cards or books. I honestly cannot remember, though, how I told Neil or how I told my mom. They may remember, but I don't remember one single thing.

It was 12 weeks into the pregnancy that I had my first ultrasound and it was there that I had the horrible gut-wrenching feeling that something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

The ultrasound techs cannot tell you a thing. And that just seems so insensitive, even though I do understand why. But can you imagine the feeling the woman goes through when she is 12 weeks pregnant and the ultrasound tech cannot find a heartbeat, let alone any sign of pregnancy?? It's not fun, and possibly the worst moment in a soon-to(-hope-to)-be mother's life.

What I remember most about my first pregnancy is driving away with Neil in tears, shaking, bawling, in disbelief. Because she couldn't find a sac or heartbeat, the tech told us that according to the ultrasound, I was more like 6 weeks pregnant. So on the drive home, I was trying to put together all the pieces, and it just didn't make sense. Nothing about it made sense to me. I felt ok. I felt pregnant. I kept thinking "I'm pregnant, I'm okay, they just messed up." But all I remember is that moment, driving home. We saw a big raccoon get hit on the road by an oncoming car. That right there was a pretty good sign that this whole thing was a really bad dream, and I prayed I would awaken from it.

It was Friday that we had the ultrasound, and Monday (yes I had to wait an entire weekend), when I was at work, that I found out I was going to miscarry. They told me OVER THE PHONE. At work. Alone with 25 girl scouts. It was the hardest moment of my life. I remember sitting out in the grass in a park by myself sobbing into the phone to mom with 25 girls in the hazy background looking on wondering what was wrong with me. It was that moment that I remember more than anything else.

It was Wednesday that my miscarriage actually happened. That Saturday I was in my brother and sister-in-laws wedding. I was at that wedding, but my heart and soul was not. All I could think about was my pain, how bad I looked physically, and what people were probably thinking about me.

That whole week I don't want to remember, yet I do. And I think it's because God wants me to. It was a point in my life that was the most trying. But it was the biggest life lesson I could ever learn as a "student". And it was this loss and the two losses following, that made my finding out I was actually pregnant with a healthy little dootle, Noah, an incredible celebration.

It was finding out I was pregnant with Noah that I remember like it was yesterday.

When I took that pregnancy test when I was pregnant with my miracle baby, I was sure, in my mind, that this was another failed pregnancy. But a teeny tiny part of me thought maybe there was some hope. A teeny tiny bit. So I clung to it.

At that time I was seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist, Dr. Elizabeth. I loved her. She was meant to be that kind of doctor with the compassion and hope that she, herself, had for each one of her patients.

It was when I saw Dr. Elizabeth for my 6.5 week appointment, an internal ultrasound, that my life changed. Neil was away on business traveling, so Alexis went with me. We still joke today about how she saw my "crotch". She and I, and Dr. Elizabeth, saw Noah, for the first time, together. It was the most exciting day of my life. I was in shock. Alexis cried, then I cried. i will never ever forget that moment. I remember it more than the day I found out I was pregnant with him. I remember it more than his birth itself. That is how predominant that moment was in my life. And Alexis shared it with me. And then we celebrated afterwards. She, herself, was also pregnant, with Sami, who would later go on to be one of Noah's very best friends. How good is God? Very.

Everything about that pregnancy was scary, but I knew, after Dr. Elizabeth told me that since we had seen the healthy sac and heartbeat, that there was only a 2% chance of a miscarriage. Since my chance of miscarriage the pregnancy before was over 50%, I knew everything was going to be okay. I knew that that little "flitter-flutter" on the screen was my baby, and my baby that was going to make it. That baby was Noah William.

Why am I even telling this story? I'm not sure why exactly, except when I saw the topic for Memory Lane Monday, I didn't think of how I felt when I found out I was pregnant with my first, but how I felt when I found out I was pregnant with a healthy baby in my 4th pregnancy.

I haven't talked about this in public, and well, I feel I'm finally at a point where I can whole-heartily, and know that I can because I'm at peace with my three losses. And, that I'm at peace with knowing that what I went through only made me stronger. That it brought Neil and I closer together. That it made me appreciate my healthy baby "bumps" so much more, and made me cherish every breathing moment of that pregnancy (and the one following, little Miss Maia). But also made me appreciate all of what our short mili-second of time in this life has to offer. And made me appreciate my little miracle more. Every time he screamed during his 8-1/2 months of being colic, I would think back to how he was my miracle, and it seriously made the sleepless nights and the all-day screaming all better for me. It was he that made me not take life for granted and appreciate every single second of it.

Happy Birthday to someone special!

My mom (on the right) with her Aunt Glenda (left) at Halloween (is that right, mom?) dressed as Dennis and Iodine from Dennis the Menace. Aren't they cute?!

Well, today is a pretty important day here. It's my mom's 55th birthday! And I can't hardly believe that. For me it seems like just yesterday that she was brushing my foot-long hair and putting it in pig tails.

I met my mom when she was 23 (I was zero . . . hehe). When our eyes met they must've said "I'm yours and you're mine" because that's how we've been for over 31 years. When I was younger I never wanted to leave her side. I see now how that was from a mother's perspective as Maia is that way with me right now. And I'm loving it. I see now why she loved it so much. That bond from the beginning as mother-daughter turned into a true and amazing friend relationship. Yeah, I didn't have a choice who my mother was, like with friends you have choices, but God knew who would be best for me just as He knew who would be best for her. And then we CHOSE to become friends. That's what I love.

As a toddler and especially as a teenager, you don't always appreciate your mother. I know there were times I didn't. I always knew she loved me, though. And I think that's what matters most in any relationship, knowing you are truly loved, especially a mother/father son/daughter relationship. Actually, to me, that's what matters most in any relationship. Love is what life is based around. It truly is what makes the world go round.

And yes, there have also been times I have not liked her, but I can say now (you know, you never see it then) that the times I got mad at her were only because she was looking out for my best interest.

I've always been her best interest. Those that love us do what they do for us because they think it's what's best for us. And my mom, she has never given up on me and has loved me through every step of my life. And I thank her for this. Not many daughters have mothers like mine. And I can say I really really do appreciate her now and what she's done for me. I look back on so many great memories and they are all planted in my head and heart because of her, and because of her love for me.

I also know how special my mom is because people remind me. Especially my children. They remind me because that's all they talk about sometimes is "grandma". I see their eyes light up when they see her (especially when they go to her house because adventure lies there!), and I have this feeling that I will see their eyes light up like this for forever more. And what a great feeling that is. Mostly because now I know how mom felt when we looked so forward to seeing my grandma Libby (mom's mom).

Mom and grandma had the closest relationship. Grandma was the one who showed my mom what love was all about. What strength was all about. What giving was all about.

My mom's father died when she was 12 . . . at one of the weakest times in a girls life. My grandma took over raising mom and her toddler brother all by herself. She did it all with such strength and I know that strength and love just radiated from her.

Grandma loved no one more than her children. And that is why my mom is who she is today and why I'm who I am today. I am me, and everything that lies within me, because of them. I can honestly say that it's because of them that I am who I am today. Two of the most special women ever to walk into my life. And I won't stop looking to them to guide me.

Grandma died in 2000 after a long long battle with breast cancer. But I can tell you, that she still guides me. When I'm battling something inside me at times, I will ask myself what grandma would do. It is never hard for me to find the answer. She was that wise of a women. Oh how I miss her.

Mom, grandma & myself (and we can't forget Shelby!) just a few months before grandma passed away.

Happy Birthay, Mom. I love you. And I know grandma loves you so much and is so very proud of you like I am.

This is grandma and her sister, Katherine (a.k.a. Aunt Kack to me). Grandma stands on the right. She was the oldest of 5 siblings. Kack is next, then Carolyn (a.k.a. Aunt Sue to me), then Butch, and then Glenda (who is pictures above with my mom). Of course Glenda was not born yet . . . she and mom are just a year apart in age!

Life Lessons

I was working over at Grandma's Diary, finished up, and mosied over my Technorati links and saw that the most recent link to the diary is a girl in her 20's (I don't know her at all . . . I don't think?) and from what I have found by reading one of her entries, her father passed away when she was 13. She now has his diary (how blessed she is that he had one and that she was able to get it) and posted an entry from it at her blog. It spoke volumes to me. You must read it, too.

This entry reminded me of some important lessons as a wife, as a human being as I (humbly as possibly) walk this world, but especially as a parent. Reminded me to cherish the tiniest things, to listen, and to talk. It especially reminded me that I must continue to keep a diary.

Some may say "Why in world keep a diary?". Because keeping a diary is not for yourself (well, maybe to help you remember experiences, special moments, not-so-great times that somehow taught you something) but honestly, to me, it's for your children. There's not a more important reason than that, right?

For me, I have really learned this as I now am reading my grandma's diary and as I post her entries. Her words are touching total strangers and they are teaching myself, my cousins, so many people in my family, about my grandma and grandpa's lives . . . but from my grandmother's view point and exactly as she saw it, and not second-hand from someone else trying to trace back.

Diaries tell so much about you as a person, about what life was like growing up. It can help your kids relate and think "wow, she/he was just like me". I mean, just imagine how your words could help them in a troubled or painful time by showing them that you had a similar experience where you made it through with diligence and what you learned from it. You might be gone, but this would be a way of still being there for them . . . with them. And today, with life as a child being as confusing and full of pressure as it is, there is no loss in doing one, well, except maybe time, but you're taking time to read this, aren't you?

I am so thankful I have kept a diary since I met Neil in 1993. And when I got pregnant with my son, I started a diary in which I address it "Dear Noah" in each entry. I don't keep up with it anymore like I should be doing so on a daily basis (thanks to a new bubbly soul walking all over my house!), but I definitely am going to try harder now. (I have one for Maia also.) I know for many of us, blogs are a replacement to our journals, diaries, hand-written thoughts, what-have-you, but they aren't going to do any good in this arena unless you print them off. If this is why you are blogging, please make sure you save and make sure you print.

Anyway, just another ramble from me. Something I have learned greatly since starting this Grandma's Diary online at the end of 2006, but also something reinstalled as very poignant and powerful after reading this girl's entry of her deceased father.

Her entry also made me think of my mom, who lost her dad at the age of 12. I know she wishes she had a diary of his. She does have many of his things, but nothing, absolutely nothing speaks to you like a diary does. Nothing speaks like your own words.